The Next Bend

There is a beauty in knowing the path I will tread
As well as deep fear and pain almost as great
Fear of leaving those things that I love
Of leaving the life that I so carefully forged out of blood
Of nightmares stripped of their power
Of moments filled with shame and great doubts
Of silence and never stilled hope
And the ancient yearning for the long road.

I am cutting my ship loose from the shore
After I spent years to find an anchor point
I am cutting the threads that bind my soul to the ground
Again I’m adrift, maybe lost, but do I want to be found?
My dreams lost their shape. So solid they seemed
Until you came and with a word caused them to rip
And fall apart all around me. What am I doing, where am I putting my trust
You’re not my companion yet, not the one I love.

I’m gathering word after word, like beads on a string,
Not making sense to anyone else but me.
I feel like a ghost in all those places where before I felt home,
But I have made my choices and I’m in for the long haul,
I’m out into the winds, headed out for the next bend of the road
I will leave this behind and won’t come back anymore.
The nights are cold these days, the days are grey
I am here still – but in my mind I have already left.